about time

i started watching this movie on a bad day. a bad bad day. a day where you unwillingly wake up before the sun, completely on the wrong side of the bed and you bury yourself in your pillow crying while the toddler runs around half naked while the baby screams in her crib. 

and then, as if by some miracle, they both take their naps at the same time and you turn on a movie. i said screw it and paid to watch 'about time' instead of finding a free one on hulu or netflix. 

i had heard so many great reviews about this movie and i was pretty excited to finally be watching. i sat down with some cookies and turned it on. and, i'll admit, i wasn't impressed. i kept waiting and waiting for it to be as great and as moving as everyone said it was.

and then, it happened. the ending. i'm not going to give anything away for those of you who haven't seen it, don't worry! but i started bawling. like a baby. like, full-on ugly cry. "and then i went one step further than my dad. i lived every day once..." ugh. kills me. 

it helps that the luckiest was playing in the background. one of my favorite songs ever. in high school, one of my best friends could play this song so beautifully on the piano and i learned it from him. i so badly needed that reminder that i am the luckiest.

this morning before the movie, i was thinking so many ugly thoughts. i'm a horrible mama. i'm a terrible wife. i wish i could quit. just run away for a day. i wish i was a better person.

it seems so silly to me that a 2 hour movie could turn it all around. i'm sitting here wiping tears off my cheeks so i can see the screen to type. i want to get it all out before it wears off. because, let's be real, it will. one day, hopefully not soon, i'll be crying in bed thinking those ugly thoughts again. but then, i'll remember this moment and i'll turn on the luckiest and remember how truly lucky i am.

after this i'll wake the kids up and we'll go to the grocery to get milk. boring? maybe. but it's a task that i'm pretty scared of. today will be different. today i'll enjoy every moment. i'll let william ride in whichever color car cart he wants. i'll go fast when he says fast and slow when he says slow. i won't just wear charlotte, but i'll talk to her and play with her and take my time. not worrying about getting through as quickly as possible, but truly enjoy my time out with these two. 

from now on, i will live every day only once. every day like it's the truly amazing day that it is. i'll cherish those early morning wake up calls from william and charlotte. i'll say no less. or not even at all. i'll put down my phone and close the computer and go play outside when william asks to go see the 'yucky poo-poo' (yep. he wants to see the dog shit in the backyard. just look. and then watch me pick it up. he's weird and i love it). i'll let him water the plants when he asks. i'll hold charlotte more instead of leave her on a blanket with her toys. 

i'll kiss brad when he gets home from work. the moment he gets home. and i'll be genuinely excited to see him instead of jealous like i was before. i resent him a little for leaving every day. i hate that about myself. i should appreciate that i get to stay home with william and charlotte every day. that brad works hard so i can do that. i'll make a real dinner instead of popping a frozen pizza in the oven. i'll let william sit on the counter and help me. i'll wear charlotte so she can see too. 

"i don't get many things right the first time, in fact i am told that a lot. now i know all the wrong turns and stumbles and falls brought me here"

Posted on July 31, 2014 and filed under Family, Motherhood.

10 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me Before I Became A Mama

1. it's okay to yell. nobody's perfect. we all have our moments where we lose control. it's okay to yell sometimes. at yourself, at your husband, at your babies. it's okay.

2. it's also okay to cry. your baby does it all the time. shouldn't mama get in on that action too?

3. your alcohol consumption will probably increase. and that's okay. taking the recycling out will just be a more frequent activity. just make sure you time it right and/or get a good breast pump (or totally ignore that last part if you're using formula).

4. you'll probably have a hard time talking about anything other than you baby. when out with friends, try to refrain from baby talk. especially if your friends don't have kids. you talk about or to your baby all day long. don't spend those precious moments away from him talking about him. 

5. you're going to skip a few meals. enlist someone to remind you to eat. especially lunch. stock up on trail mix, keep peanut butter on your bedside table. make friends with the lady who makes kick-ass caramel sauce. being a mama is hard work. you need to refuel.

6. don't cut your hair. every new mama wants to and i haven't met one that doesn't regret it. DON'T DO IT.

7. you don't need all those fancy baby gadgets. especially a tub. you have a kitchen sink. use it. it's better anyway.

8. at around 5-7 months postpartum you'll start to loose your hair. it's awful. it comes out in huge chunks while you're in the shower, while brushing, just sitting around the house, and definitely when your baby reaches up and pulls it out. there's nothing you can do about it (except get pregnant again. worked for me, but i don't suggest it).

9. you can get pregnant while you're breastfeeding. some people will try to tell you this is impossible. they are wrong. it happened to me. it can happen to you. you've been warned.

10. it's really freaking hard and you'll want to tear your hair out sometimes. but at the same time, being a mama is just about the coolest thing in the world. you are teaching a tiny human how to live. how to be a person. how to talk and walk and eat and sleep and smile. that baby looks to you for everything you're his whole world. and he's yours.

Posted on July 30, 2014 and filed under Lifestyle, Motherhood.

this is really important

did you vote in this year's primary? or, if your state hasn't held its primary yet, do you plan to vote?

if you did, you would be in a HUGE minority. like, disgustingly huge. here in california, we had only 18.3% voter turnout. 18 percent. the lowest in california history. 

why? why did no one show up on election day?

because we don't know what we're voting for. every day 12,000 americans turn 18. that's 12,000 more people who should be voting in every election. they're not voting because no one is asking them to. candidates aren't talking to millennials. they're talking to the rich old white men sitting at home watching the news every night. the news! raise your hand if you watch the news? *crickets* (if you're looking for some good ones, i watch diane sawyer and meet the press)

millennials aren't watching the news. we're on twitter and facebook and on blogs like this. the internet is where we get our information. and if we don't get it there, we get it in coffee shops and bars and talking to our neighbors. 

candidates: please for the love of democracy, get on social media. don't just throw a profile up there and tweet where you're going to be speaking next or some political jargon that the average joe can't understand. tell me what you stand for. in plain words.

everyone should have to do this. it would make a great practice for politicians:

in 140 characters or less, tell me your stance on gun control. how you'd fix the economy. your take on immigration. aaaaaand go! 

that'll get people talking. and get people to the polls.

democracy only works when people participate. that's like, the definition. so please, participate. i don't want to keep on seeing these disgustingly low voter turnout numbers. i want to have conversations about issues and policies. and i want my kids to grow up in a society that values true democracy and doesn't just let a bunch of old white men sitting on the couch watching fox news run the world. because eventually, we'll be those old people, and if we don't vote now, i'm afraid we never will.


Posted on July 29, 2014 and filed under Issues.

It's in the Bag! {Chelsea}

It's in the Bag | Chelsea

When I was pregnant with Lorelai I researched a lot of different “diaper bags”. Turns out, I didn’t like any of them. In an effort to keep things simple and low maintenance, I opted for a simple leather tote that we could share so that I wouldn’t be lugging around tons of bags. It works out great for us, although she does have a separate diaper bag that goes with her to daycare and I keep the “mama bag” with me.

I chose the Madewell Transport Tote because, A. it’s as beautiful as they come, and B. it is big enough to tote both of our necessities. In all honesty, I had been searching for a reason to buy this beauty of a bag and when I found it, I didn’t hesitate to purchase. I can't say enough great things about this timeless bag.

Inside our bag:

It's in the Bag | Chelsea

Diapers and wipes // We use Pampers Swaddlers and Honest Co. diapers and they are both really great. The swaddlers feel soft as a blanket and the Honest Co. are adorable and completely rid of chemicals. We also like the little Honest Co. travel pouches for wipes.

Aden & Anais swaddle blankets // We always have one of these with us because they do everything. They keep her warm, but are light enough for a summer cover-up. They clean up spit up, give her a clean place to lay and make great nursing cover-ups.

Solly Baby Wrap // This wrap is a complete savior. I am such a huge fan of babywearing and this wrap is genius. It is so soft and comfortable for both baby and I. The simple grey and white striped design goes with everything and best of all, Lorelai loves being in this wrap! It has saved my sanity so many times.

Calendar & Notebook // My go-to items for staying organized are quite simple. While I use my iPhone for most everything, I prefer pen and paper for a calendar and any notes or lists on the go. I love this Sugar Paper calendar for Target and Rifle Paper Co. notebooks.

Burts Bees diaper ointment // Thankfully Lorelai has great skin (knock on wood) but we love this diaper creme when we need it. We use Angel Baby bottom balm too.. great stuff.

Sophie the Giraffe // We are just beginning the teething phase and so far Sophie has been her favorite chew toy. We always have her on hand.

Change of clothes // A necessity for our girl and we have relied on the extra clothes many times! I forgot it once, and never will again! Rompers are an easy piece to toss in the bag; this one is vintage.

Freshly Picked moccasins // I was obsessed with baby moccasins before Lorelai was born based solely on the cuteness factor. But now that she's here I love them even more because they are so practical. They actually stay on her feet and go with absolutely everything.

IT Cosmetics lip blush // My sister gave this to me because the color changes based on your complexion and it also stains your lips so that even once the gloss wears off (from kissing baby cheeks) your lips still have great color. She looks out for me!

Amber Goose Baltic Teething Bracelet // This was a gift from a friend who swore by it for her girl, and we have found it to be very helpful and soothing for Lorelai. This natural pain reliever seems to help her tremendously.

Books // We have to have at least one book with us on the go because she loves flipping through them. Every time I turn the page she squeals with excitement and nearly kicks the book out of my hands. She definitely gets this love from her mama.

Not pictured: a ton of pens and hair ties floating in the bottom of the bag and an iced coffee in my hand.

It's in the Bag | Chelsea

Thank you so much for having me!

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thanks for sharing chelsea! if you'd like to share what's in your bag click here!

see all the bags here!

Posted on July 29, 2014 and filed under It's In The Bag!.

Write On (A Giveaway!)


the lovely miranti from pen and peplum is having a birthday this week and she's asked a bunch of lovely bloggers *ahem like myself* to celebrate by giving away a Wacom Intuos Pen + Touch Tablet (medium)! i use this tablet all the time to add my own handwriting over photos or to email signatures or, really anything. i love just playing around with it. i'm still getting the hang of it, but it's such a neat tool for bloggers and creatives to have! i would love for one of my lovely readers to win this prize! check out the other bloggers involved in the giveaway and then enter via the rafflecopter below!



the giveaway will run for two weeks until midnight on the 12th august 2014 (AEST).

to enter, simply use the widget below. once you submit your first entry many (many!) more will pop up. you can choose to enter one or all, but more entries mean more chances of winning!

once the giveaway is over, a winner will be chosen at random and will be contacted for further details.

and yes, this giveaway is open to international readers.


Posted on July 28, 2014 and filed under Loving.